Work-life imbalance: Why Adult Friendships Fade
If you are an adult in 2026, you might agree that one of the biggest problems people face today is that we’re too busy, too busy being productive. And we have little time to hang out with our friends or to make new ones.
This problem is obvious in adulthood, but it starts much earlier. From the moment we enter the education system, we’re trained to become functional working adults. Our parents teach us to prioritise our studies. School prepares us for work. And after spending so much time of our precious youth studying, training and working, by the time we are adults, work becomes the de facto centre of our lives.
I’m not denying that work matters. Education matters. Ambition matters. But somewhere along this collective madness, we lost perspective and treat work not as it initially was, a means to a better life, but as the purpose of life itself. I don’t think an ancestor 100,000 years ago would choose one more hour of hunting over returning to the fire to eat, rest, and be with their people. But today, we regularly make that choice, working/studying overtime and spending less time with friends and family.
The problem is not work in itself, the problem is the imbalance, the work-life imbalance. By the way society is designed today, most people end up over-investing in their work while under-investing in their relationships. Most likely, one question in each pair below will feel more familiar than the other:
- How many times have you prepared for a presentation at school or work? How many times have you prepared for a difficult conversation with someone you love?
- How fast do you reply to a work email? How fast do you reply when a friend reaches out and says they’re struggling?
- Have you invested in a course or certification? Have you consciously invested in becoming a better friend?
If going through these questions made you feel uncomfortable, remember this: just like your career, adult relationships don’t grow or survive on autopilot. They need care, attention, and effort.
How to shift the imbalance?
At the core of this issue is a resource problem: of the quantity and the quality of the resources we allocate to our relationships.
The most obvious way to look at quantity is time. We get 24 hours a day. About eight are spent sleeping. Another eight disappear into work. Add commuting, getting ready, resting, and basic logistics, and suddenly we’re left with maybe four (4!) usable hours per day. Investing even one of those hours in calling or seeing a friend, will help strengthen the bond. Doing it consistently and, even better, consciously planning for it, would make a massive impact in our social lives.
The quality of the resources we allocate to our relationships is trickier, but equally important. By “quality” I mean which version of you your relationships receive, because there is a version of you that has the best energy, attention, patience, and mood. I have more of those resources earlier in the day, when I am alert and in a better mood. And yet, that “best” version of myself is usually at work and fades at night.
Once I noticed this, I started implementing simple changes: I now give my best self to the people I care about. I reply to friends during work hours. I call my family at my lunch breaks. I stopped treating relationships as something I’d get to only after I am exhausted. Because relationships don’t grow as well when you only give them your leftovers, they grow better and healthier when you give them the good hours.
Take back control
Taking control doesn’t mean rejecting responsibility or ambition. It means pausing long enough to ask: What is the current state of my social life? What am I sacrificing without realising it?
And here’s the crucial insight: doing nothing is still a choice.
We live in a dynamic world. If we stay passive and static, the dominating external forces will decide for us how our time and energy are spent. And in todays world, if you don’t intentionally choose to prioritise your relationships, those external forces will drag you towards putting your work over everything else. But the good news is, you are stronger than them.
Friendships don’t disappear because we don’t value them. They disappear because we don’t protect them. And in a world that constantly pulls us away from connection, taking control is no longer optional, it’s necessary.
TL;DR
Modern life trains us to over-invest in work and under-invest in relationships. But friendships don’t survive on autopilot, they require time and your best energy. Protect “the good hours,” plan connection like you plan productivity, and take control before your life defaults to isolation.
Author's note
If you find this helpful, give me time and I will write more blogs + tools designed to help you find, build and maintain friendships and relationships. If you want to stay up to date, sign up to the email newsletter.